Imagine the scene: a girl tries on a cute dress, does a twist and, with great satisfaction, straightens it. The adults around her echo her delight and tell her how pretty she is.
Later, she looks at her favorite books and sees skinny people and skinny animals going on exciting adventures, while that their heavier counterparts are portrayed as slow or clumsy. Sometimes you realize that your own parents worry about your weight or appearance.
By the time you are a teenager, your parents may worry about the impact of influencers in the body image she has of herself.
But research indicates that, in reality, their perception of bodies and their social acceptance will have been formed much earlier, in those early years.
When we think about our relationship with our bodies, it is often difficult to determine precisely where our satisfaction or dissatisfaction comes from.
If we think about our childhood, we can remember a collection of comments or observations . None of them may seem hugely shocking on their own. And yet their cumulative effect can be surprisingly powerful.
Whether in the form of praise or criticism, the type of attention to body shapes can establish beliefs and insecurities that are difficult to eliminate.
The consequences can be tremendously harmful, as studies show, with family attitudes and derogatory comments about linked to mental health problems and eating disorders.
In addition, the broader stigmatization of overweight children has increased, which affects their self-esteem and, of course, their body image.
Given how early this awareness of body ideals begins, what can parents and caregivers do to help children feel self-confident and more supportive of others?
Body shaming is not innate
Physical ideals differ greatly through time and different cultures – a quick look at any painting by Peter Paul Rubens, or even the statuette of 29.60 years known as the “Venus of Willendorf”, shows how exuberantly humans have embraced curvaceous features.
But today, despite a growing body positivity movement that celebrates all shapes and sizes, the idea that a slim body is preferable remains pervasive on social media, in traditional media, on television, on the big screen and in advertising.
Awareness of body ideals begins early and reflects children’s experience of the world around them.
In one study, children aged 3 to 5 years were asked to choose a figure from a range of slim to large sizes, to represent a child with positive or negative characteristics.
For example, they were asked which children would be mean or nice, which children would be teased by others, and which children they would invite to the birthday party. Children tended to choose larger figures to represent negative characteristics.
Crucially, this bias was influenced by others: for example, their own mothers’ attitudes and beliefs about body shapes affected the outcome.
Furthermore, older children showed a stronger bias than younger children, again indicating that it was learned, not innate.
The findings “indicate that children’s social environments are important in the development of positive and negative attitudes toward weight,” the researchers conclude.
“We see the patterns in which children attribute positive characteristics to slimmer figures and negative characteristics to larger figures,” says Sian McLean, a psychology professor at La Trobe University in Melbourne, Australia, who is specializing in It leads to body dissatisfaction.
“They are developing that early, which is a concern because they potentially have the opportunity to internalize that perception, that being thinner is desirable and is associated with social rewards.”
Another study showed that the attitude of their parents towards weight influenced children up to 3 years of age. Over time, children’s negative associations with large bodies and awareness of how to lose weight increased.
There is often an element of gender in these perceptions, with sons more affected by the opinions of their fathers and daughters by the attitudes of their mothers.
Although fathers play an important role in shaping the attitudes and points of view of their children , it must be emphasized that they are far from the only influence that young people are exposed to and can often have a positive effect that can counter messages from other sources.
The use of diets to control weight has been detected in girls up to 5 years, for example, and in that case, the main factors were exposure to the media, as well as conversations about appearance.
But research shows that parents’ opinions do matter.
The Danger of Teasing
Many parents may be surprised to hear that their own insecurities, which may after all be completely involuntary and not something they wish to pass on, can have such an impact. But some family members also magnify this effect through derogatory comments.
In a study on the effects of family member teasing on body dissatisfaction and eating disorders, the % of the participants said they had been teased by one of their parents for their appearance, and the 12% were teased for being overweight, also by one of the parents.
More reported being teased by their fathers than by their mothers. Such parental teasing was a significant predictor of body dissatisfaction, as well as bulimic behaviors and depression, and also increased the odds that a sibling would tease them.
Maternal teasing was a significant predictor of depression.
Being teased about appearance by a sibling had a similar negative impact on mental health and self-esteem, and increased the risk of eating disorders.
The authors suggested that understanding a family history of teasing would help health care providers identify individuals at risk for “body image and eating and poor psychological functioning”.
Other research in children aged 7 to 8 years has shown that mothers’ comments about weight and body size have been related to poor eating behavior. disorderly behavior among their children.
Similarly, girls “whose mothers, fathers and friends encouraged them to lose weight and be thin” were more likely to endorse negative beliefs about the weight of others , known as “fat stereotypes”.
This is especially alarming given the rise in weight-related stigmatization and bullying.
Beyond the family
There is a reason why the influence of parents is so strong.
Rachel Rodgers, a psychologist at Northeastern University, says that when a parent cares about their own body image, you will be modeling behaviors that show that “this is important”.
“Even if they do not mention the physical appearance of the child, they continue to act in a way that suggests to the child, ‘this is something that worries me, this is something that worries me’, so the children stay with that”.
Furthermore, many parents tend to comment on what children are eating, wearing or how they look, often with good intentions, and this can increase concerns about appearance and weight.
“Idealization resulting thin” makes children believe that their “social value depends on their physical appearance and that leads them You will invest in it in terms of your self-esteem as well as your time and energy,” says Rodgers.
Of course , as the child grows, their peers and the media tend to assume a greater role.
Unless they are counteracted, these influences can reinforce each other.
“The way media ideals are supported and endorsed by peers/friends was a more crucial factor than direct media exposure itself,” explains Jolien Trekels, a psychologist who studies body image in KU Leuven in Belgium, who conducted research on the role friends play in appearance ideals.
In On a positive note, it may mean that young people are not only at the mercy of media ideals, but may collectively shape their own responses. tas.
What to do
Given how ubiquitous these messages are, What can parents do to counter them and instead encourage a more generous, positive and empowering body image?
First, as the evidence shows, the way adults talk about the bodies around children is important.
“We recommend that parents or educators not comment on body image, even if they are positive“says McLean.
Instead, parents should focus on what children enjoy doing and are interested in, putting “more value on who they are and their special skills and talents, and less on what they look like,” says Stephanie Damiano, who works at the charity Butterfly, which offers evidence-based support for eating disorders entaries.
This helps children to have a sense of satisfaction and self-esteem that is not linked to their appearance.
They should also work on their own self-perception and self-esteem, as research shows how easy it is to pass on our insecurities.
Damiano recommends parents to avoid talking about weight or constantly telling children to eat healthier foods.
“The more we focus on higher weight as a problem, or on certain foods as ‘bad’, children are likely to feel more guilt, shame and body dissatisfaction.”
Instead, Parents may talk about exercise as important for overall health and wellness, rather than as a way to lose weight.
Families can also normalize the consumption of healthy foods, instead of talking openly that certain foods are bad. After all, we all love treats, so it seems counterproductive to teach children to feel guilty about having one.
In fact, enjoying treats is known to be key to a healthy attitude towards weight.
Watch cooking shows on TV that feature healthy foods can also subtly encourage children to eat such foods.
Family relationships can play an important positive role: a study showed that a good relationship between mothers and their adolescent children can reduce the negative effects of social media use on body dissatisfaction.
Limiting children’s time on social media can reduce “appearance comparisons” and improve mental health.
“The way in which the parents give meaning to what the child is seeing” is also very important, says Rodgers, as it can help the child decode what the images really show.
And, of course, not all social networks are bad; they can also be a source of community and encouragement.
Parents may find it helpful to work as a team with schools.
The Butterfly Body Bright program in Australia helps primary school children develop positive body image and lifestyle choices. In a pilot program, children’s body image was found to improve after a lesson.
Intervention programs that focus on building self-esteem have also been successful. Reflecting on these programs and their messages can even help parents examine their own ideas about weight and bodies, and shed long-held harmful beliefs.
As for what can be At home, an easy change might be to pause every time we’re about to compliment a child’s appearance and think of something else we like about them and want them to know.
Instead of saying “I love your dress”, we can just smile and tell them how nice it is to see them and how much fun it is to be around them.
Melissa Hogenboom is the editor of BBC Reel. Her book, The Motherhood Complex , is out now. If you want to read the original article, click here.
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