Diana Montoya invited me to a radio show. It was a debate about group sex, where very intelligent people participated, but very backwards on current knowledge of sex and family. My greatest astonishment was caused by a researcher from Barcelona, who proclaimed that sex was a decision for two and that if they agreed to have orgies, that was their problem.
It seemed to me that I was listening to a speech from the 70s. My knowledge of family therapy has taught me that everything we do affects others, and that when that happens, we are responsible for changing that behavior.
Sexuality today implies a great responsibility. We can no longer talk about “it’s my life and I live it the way I want”. Those outdated concepts are responsible for so many dysfunctional families, so many drugs, alcohol, diseases and tragedies in the world. We have gone from focusing on the individual to giving importance to the family, because we already know that it is impossible to live “my life” without affecting those I love.
What my daughter does affects me, and in turn what I do affects my daughter. The legacy we leave our children is based on how proud they are of us, not on money or education. Without emotional stability it is impossible to handle money or what we know well. Without feeling worth, it is impossible to have emotional security.
When there are unresolved conflicts, we fight and make an “emotional cut” with grandparents, parents, uncles, children suffer. Every child has one wish in life: to see his parents happy and to be happy. He loves his grandparents, siblings, parents, uncles, cousins. And when the family is full of secrets, lies, jealousy, envy and unresolved conflicts, the child gets it and it affects him terribly.
The era of individualism was left behind and left its traces. Today we are suffering it in our own flesh. And for the record, I don’t agree with judging anyone. We all have our emotional backpacks, no human being wants to consciously hurt their children. They are sick, they are sick.
Even the worst criminals and serial killers have a very sad history of physical, psychological, sexual abuse and neglect by their loved ones. But not judging is very different from being irresponsible, being free is very different from defending debauchery. It is time to start questioning where we are going and what we are leaving for our children and grandchildren on planet Earth.
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