By Dr. Nancy Álvarez
Dec 24, 2023, 10:04 AM EST
Once, at a wedding, I disagreed with the priest on two things. I tend to disagree with religious people in many aspects, although we agree on the basics: help others, love others and, as far as possible, do no harm, ask for social justice…
The two things I disagreed about were: “we must love even if they do not love us” and “what God has joined together, men must not separate.”
I always say that my favorite character is Jesus. He was many centuries ahead of psychological science. Today we know that most illnesses, both physical and emotional, are closely linked to not forgiving, not loving oneself, having unfair relationships, a lack of faith and clinging to money and things that They are not important in life. We are a society oriented towards having and forgetting about being.
Of course, I don’t agree with the priest who insisted that we should love even if they don’t love us. Nor do I think Jesus is. He said, “Love others as yourself.” Today science knows that this is the basis of self-esteem and, therefore, it is a determining factor in emotional stability.
Love must begin at home. If we don’t love each other, we can’t love. It is neither healthy nor functional to love someone who does not love us. He who loves more feels angry, angry, aggressive, depressed, often becomes grumpy, he lives complaining. He is in an unfair position. Giving what he does not receive, he feels like a beggar collecting crumbs.
The couple is based on equal relationships. No one can be happy if they feel inferior to another, if they feel that the other abuses and uses them. Asking this of someone is telling them not to respect themselves, to allow others to play with their dignity.
One of the functions of the couple is to serve as a model for their children. Not only in the construction of your identity, but also in what your future relationship will be like.
Marriage should be for life. It would be ideal for children, parents and partners, but the statistics betray us. Divorce is a sad reality, especially because we are not educating people to be a husband, wife, mother, father. Formal education has forgotten the most important thing: educating us for life.
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