For Hazal Sirin, a 34-year-old woman from Istanbul, Turkey, dating is like a roller coaster.
“You start with high expectations and enthusiasm, and then comes disappointment,” he says. “It’s always the same story.”
Hazal has been single for four years and has been actively looking for a partner ever since.
But their efforts to build a relationship have not yielded results. This is a frustration, she says, that she shares with friends who are going through similar experiences.
According to Hazal, many people stop showing interest or caring about their partner, even after a few dates.
The woman says that on several occasions they have done ghosting (a term in English that is also used in Spanish for when a person with whom you have exchanged messages and even whom you have seen several times disappears without giving any explanation), something that he considers as a lack of consideration or empathy.
Disenchanted with her experiences, Hazal is convinced that there are few people who are truly committed to a real relationship.
Dating disappointment in modern life is a controversial topic in everyday conversations, whether in real life or on social media.
According to a 2019 survey by the Pew Research Center, nearly half of Americans over the age of 18 feel that dating has become more difficult in the last decade.
Among the reasons for this, they say, are the increasing use of technology and dating platforms, the physical and emotional risks, the idea that dating is becoming more impersonal, the casual nature of dating today and changing social expectations in morals or gender roles.
The survey results suggest that most people are dissatisfied with their love life and have difficulty finding a partner.
Fall in popularity
Dating apps, which try to make it easier for people to meet each other, also seem to have lost their initial charm.
Annual downloads of Tinder (one of the most popular apps) have dropped by more than a third since its peak in 2014.
Another popular app, Bumble, claims that its users are interested in pressure-free dating.
“One in 3 Bumble users in the United States (…) say they make fewer dates to prioritize their mental health,” says Bumble.
Surveys also indicate that young people feel a kind of emotional fatigue with dating apps.
According to the survey agency Savanta, more than 90% of generation Z (people born between 1997 and 2012) are frustrated with these types of applications.
“The strange moment we’re in is that apps are in decline, at least culturally, but a replacement hasn’t emerged yet,” says Kathryn Lindsay, who writes about internet culture and trends.
Lindsay maintains that social gatherings and physical connections don’t help Gen Z either.
She believes the pandemic has further exacerbated this issue, as many Gen Z youth have not had opportunities to develop social skills through in-person interactions.
The “solutions” of influencers
With more and more people becoming frustrated with this situation, social media platforms are quickly filling up with relationship tips and tricks.
The influencers They often claim to have quick solutions to finding love, with headlines like “12 Dating Rules That Changed My Life” or “Three Secrets to Standing Out on a Date.”
Some seem to promote conservative relationship values and suggest gender roles or behaviors, such as men paying the bill on the first meeting or women conforming to traditional female stereotypes.
For example, Stephan Labossiere, a relationship coach with 1.5 million followers on YouTube, creates videos with headlines like “Nine Horrible Dating Mistakes That Turn Men Off” or “The Only Tip Women Need on a Date.” ”.
London-based content creator Tam Kaur talks about “high-quality dating standards and how to be treated like a princess” in her video titled “How to Date Successfully as a Woman.”
The influencer Casiah West, who has almost half a million followers on TikTok, suggests that “if you want someone to become obsessed with you, just show disinterest.”
Writer Kathryn Lindsay points out that there are other content creators who advocate for more progressive and egalitarian approaches to dating, but that social media algorithms often lead people down the beaten path, reinforcing traditional norms.
She says that the influencers and content creators often prey on feelings of loneliness or desperation. “If you’re a content creator looking for easy clicks, you pretend you have a solution because people are desperate,” he explains.
Hazal Sirin points out that she frequently finds videos on the internet with dating advice.
“It’s a common trend: people discuss tips while doing makeup,” she says. “Some are crap, but others are useful.”
He also believes that there are some universal rules to follow when it comes to dating.
“You shouldn’t reveal too much about yourself and you should employ some tactics when communicating with men,” she says.
“Journey of self-knowledge”
Is there a quick solution to finding true love? “Unfortunately, no,” says psychotherapist and author Kaytee Gillis.
“I wish there was a perfect algorithm for love. “I think people want to feel like there is, because it gives them hope.”
Because dating is stressful, Gillis maintains, people look to the Internet for advice to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
But he says dating should really be a journey of self-discovery about who you are and who you want as a partner.
People should look for the relationship they want to have and not the relationship society tells them to have, he explains.
“Relationships are not a mathematical formula that needs to be deciphered and solved,” says marriage counselor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.
“There are no shortcuts to a good relationship. It takes work,” she expounds, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and genuine intentions.
Psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis agrees. To avoid dating frustration, you need to be authentic, she says. “Stay true to who you are,” she advises.
Keep reading:
* Applications to find a partner: cupid in question
* Bad experiences you can have when you go to a dating website
* 3 of the most common scams on online dating apps
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