Column by Ismael Cala: To be or not to be enough

Over years of meetings and thousands of messages, I have noticed that many people constantly express, “I am not good enough” or “When will I feel worthy?” This belief that we are missing something is not isolated; It is a shared experience that leads us to treat each other harshly.

At the core of this sensation is a key idea in Sigmund Freud’s theory: lack. According to the father of psychoanalysis, lack is an essential part of the human experience and plays a crucial role in our emotional and psychological lives.

Freud suggested that we all have desires and needs that can never be fully satisfied. Since our childhood, we experience this lack. For example, a baby feels hungry and needs to be fed, but there will always be times when that need is not immediately met.

The voice in your head that tells you that you are not enough is not really yours; It is the result of this universal experience of lack. However, we have been convinced that our value depends not only on our performance, but on constantly achieving more and more.

But the lack is not only negative. Freud argued that it is precisely this lack that drives us to grow, learn and seek new experiences. It is dissatisfaction that moves us to act and develop. Lack motivates us to improve and pursue our goals.

But be careful: the lack should be the fuel for your actions, not for the state of the complaint that leads you nowhere.

The cycle of feeling inadequate can be broken by separating an event from a negative self-evaluation. For example, instead of thinking, “I forgot Maria’s birthday, I’m a bad person,” break it down into two sentences: The first is a fact; the second, a lie that you are telling yourself.

How about replacing the second sentence with an affirmation of your worth: “I forgot Maria’s birthday. “I am still worthy of having her friendship.”

You can apply this technique in various situations. For example, if you make a mistake on a report, remember that your value does not depend on your performance. If you hurt someone with a comment, recognize that you are a good person who made a mistake.

By accepting ourselves unconditionally, we release our potential and allow ourselves to simply be human.

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